I loved the linkage to last week's article when you talked about mindfulness and the 2 arrows! What really caught my eye was the relationship between responding to bids and divorce, I never thought that such small moments can impact the health of a relationship. I'm also very excited to read your paper on the potential linkage between performing RAK and cultivating self-compassion. Some ways I can bring more of these micro-moments into my life would be to become a more attentive person and express my appreciation to strangers as well as family and friends.
This is my favorite article so far. I completely agree with the point that in order to love others, you must first show love and compassion toward yourself. This point reminded me of Oprah Winfrey's famous quote, " Your life is a journey of learning to love yourself first and then extending that love to others in every encounter." I will certainly be paying more attention to others' words after reading Dr.John Gottman's list of bids as I felt shocked at how often I hear similar things but dismiss or don't think much of them.
This article is really eye-opening! I think we really undermine the little things in relationships, we tend to think they're not important but this article showed otherwise. It was really surprising to see that divorce rates are so much higher when bids are ignored. I also loved when you said we should treat ourselves like friends because I think we as humans are naturally hard on ourselves so its a nice reminder to try to be kinder to yourself.
Indeed - our tendency to be harsh on ourselves comes out of fear of us making the mistake again. If we instead bring more kindness, we are able to see with more clarity and “grow” out of the situation rather than avoid it.
This is my favorite article so far! so well written and expressed. Reading about the bids was so interesting and important to me, now i learned how to use these bids to fix and progress any relationship with family and friends. I also love how you mentioned that we should get used to giving rather than constantly receiving, a very important point that everyone should start getting used to, including myself! thank you so much for this amazing article!!
I loved the subtle mentions and lessons of self compassion and self love. It really is true that you can’t love someone unless you love yourself. I do wonder though, many people manage to express their love to other people, however, their own self love and empathy isn’t great. How can this affect them as a person? And how do RAK benefit not only the recipient, but the person performing them as well?
Great reflection Karma! As I shared earlier, neglect compounds as much as kindness compounds. It is unsustainable for someone to bring compassion to others while neglecting themselves, soon enough the well will run dry and that will show in health issues, “conditional” kindness, or worst of all, a victim mindset.
One way to practice self-compassion is to realize that we are all connected, count yourself as part of the collective whole that includes others and simply practice compassion and kindness to all your interactions - whether with yourself or others.
In this sense RAK is an excellent way to practice towards others, and in reflecting on the act before going to bed we benefit as well.
I loved reading this article and all the aspects it discussed. A part I really loved in this article is how in order to give all your love and affection to someone, you need to achieve that on your own. You need to develop self love before committing to a relationship and being vulnerable, and I think this is extremely important because many people go into relationships giving their all when they haven’t developed that self love or confidence. I also loved the emphasis on “bids” and the list of things to focus on in a relationship. I think it reminds us to constantly pay attention to peoples’ words that tend to mean more than what we think.
I loved this article! Especially when talking about self compassion, I never realized it could start that easy. I've decided to follow Dr. Kristen Neff's three steps to achieve self compassion. I would love to be able to express my love for my loved ones (even strangers, just to put a smile on someone's face) through random acts of kindness.
I really enjoyed reading this article, especially the part explaining how a little bit of attention and care can go a long way and make a big difference in ones life relationships. I think that integrating this into our current relationships can also help create more positive micro-moments and overall strengthen our relationships with others.
I loved the linkage to last week's article when you talked about mindfulness and the 2 arrows! What really caught my eye was the relationship between responding to bids and divorce, I never thought that such small moments can impact the health of a relationship. I'm also very excited to read your paper on the potential linkage between performing RAK and cultivating self-compassion. Some ways I can bring more of these micro-moments into my life would be to become a more attentive person and express my appreciation to strangers as well as family and friends.
Thanks Maya, paper is done - will share link separately. 😊
Your choice of micro-moments is awesome; what we appreciate, appreciates! 😉
Enjoy.
This is my favorite article so far. I completely agree with the point that in order to love others, you must first show love and compassion toward yourself. This point reminded me of Oprah Winfrey's famous quote, " Your life is a journey of learning to love yourself first and then extending that love to others in every encounter." I will certainly be paying more attention to others' words after reading Dr.John Gottman's list of bids as I felt shocked at how often I hear similar things but dismiss or don't think much of them.
Thanks for your nice words Zina. And yes, welcome to being human - we all make these mistakes and it’s only wrong when we intentionally ignore them.
Good news is now that you know of bids, you’ll never not know when you hear them 😊
love the compactness of this one 👌🏼❤️
Thank you Rayan! 🙏♥️
This article is really eye-opening! I think we really undermine the little things in relationships, we tend to think they're not important but this article showed otherwise. It was really surprising to see that divorce rates are so much higher when bids are ignored. I also loved when you said we should treat ourselves like friends because I think we as humans are naturally hard on ourselves so its a nice reminder to try to be kinder to yourself.
Indeed - our tendency to be harsh on ourselves comes out of fear of us making the mistake again. If we instead bring more kindness, we are able to see with more clarity and “grow” out of the situation rather than avoid it.
This is my favorite article so far! so well written and expressed. Reading about the bids was so interesting and important to me, now i learned how to use these bids to fix and progress any relationship with family and friends. I also love how you mentioned that we should get used to giving rather than constantly receiving, a very important point that everyone should start getting used to, including myself! thank you so much for this amazing article!!
Thank you for your kind words Zain. Have fun responding to bids and seeing your relationships grow! 🙌
I loved the subtle mentions and lessons of self compassion and self love. It really is true that you can’t love someone unless you love yourself. I do wonder though, many people manage to express their love to other people, however, their own self love and empathy isn’t great. How can this affect them as a person? And how do RAK benefit not only the recipient, but the person performing them as well?
Great reflection Karma! As I shared earlier, neglect compounds as much as kindness compounds. It is unsustainable for someone to bring compassion to others while neglecting themselves, soon enough the well will run dry and that will show in health issues, “conditional” kindness, or worst of all, a victim mindset.
One way to practice self-compassion is to realize that we are all connected, count yourself as part of the collective whole that includes others and simply practice compassion and kindness to all your interactions - whether with yourself or others.
In this sense RAK is an excellent way to practice towards others, and in reflecting on the act before going to bed we benefit as well.
I loved reading this article and all the aspects it discussed. A part I really loved in this article is how in order to give all your love and affection to someone, you need to achieve that on your own. You need to develop self love before committing to a relationship and being vulnerable, and I think this is extremely important because many people go into relationships giving their all when they haven’t developed that self love or confidence. I also loved the emphasis on “bids” and the list of things to focus on in a relationship. I think it reminds us to constantly pay attention to peoples’ words that tend to mean more than what we think.
Indeed, being present to everything and everyone in our moment-to-moment experience is the gateway to truly connecting.
i really enjoyed reading about bids and how responding to them can greatly impact a relationship!
Have fun responding to them Lamiaa 😊
I loved this article! Especially when talking about self compassion, I never realized it could start that easy. I've decided to follow Dr. Kristen Neff's three steps to achieve self compassion. I would love to be able to express my love for my loved ones (even strangers, just to put a smile on someone's face) through random acts of kindness.
Love this! Excited for you applying this in your life Salma! 🙏
I really enjoyed reading this article, especially the part explaining how a little bit of attention and care can go a long way and make a big difference in ones life relationships. I think that integrating this into our current relationships can also help create more positive micro-moments and overall strengthen our relationships with others.
Thank you Sara, have fun bringing these to your life! 😊