Super Skill: Deepening your relationships
Why this matters today
You can be surrounded by people and still feel disconnected.
At work, at home, even during the holidays, relationships can start to run on autopilot.
Most people don’t realise it, but small moments of neglect add up. So do small moments of care.
When you give relationships your attention, you can transform them:
The nourishing ones give back more, and the challenging ones stop damaging you.
Super skill
Today’s super skill is building relationships through quality attention.
1. Start by giving compassion to yourself.
It sounds counterintuitive, but self-compassion is what trains you to become more compassionate with others.
This makes it a strategic move.
You get better at showing compassion by practising it often, and the most accessible place to practise is with yourself.
Because there are a thousand moments in a week when you can bring yourself kindness after stress, mistakes, disappointment, or self-doubt.
It is also usually the hardest place to practice, because you are often far more judgmental with yourself than you are with anyone else.
When you make a mistake, follow the 3-step process for self-compassion (h/t Dr. Kristen Neff):
1. Be kind (like you would with a friend who is struggling)
2. Recognise common-humanity (we all make mistakes and no one is perfect)
3. Use mindfulness (to focus on the issue at hand without catastrophising)
2. Notice bids for connection.
Pay attention to the small moments when someone is asking to be seen, heard, or supported.
It may be a sigh, a story, a joke, a question, or a quiet bid for attention.
Instead of splitting your attention between two tasks, turn toward.
Make eye contact. Put the phone down. Respond.
Noticing those bids is the smallest building block of creating positive connections.
3. Create one micro-moment of kindness each day.
Send an appreciation text.
Ask someone how they are, and really listen.
Leave a thoughtful note.
These micro-moments of kindness teach your brain to turn towards connection instead of away from it.
And the kindest thing you can do is giving someone your full attention.
Use it with people you love and those you don’t even know (like the delivery person).
Becoming Super
Becoming Super is not about having perfect relationships.
It is about becoming someone who returns to kindness, presence, and generosity faster.
When you do this, you lead better. You listen better. You love better. You make people feel safe around you, and that changes everything.
Try the points above at work and at home this coming week.
Have a Super Sunday! 💪
With much joy,
Hashim
PS. The quality of your relationships is shaped by the quality of your attention. If you are serious about building deeper relationships, join us for the Attention Mastery Training — a new cohort is starting in April. Enrollment is now open.