Super Skill: Building your self-esteem through self-talk
1. Why this matters today:
Notice is how you talk to yourself when you mess up.
You miss a habit. You fall short of your own standards. You say the wrong thing.
How do you speak to yourself at those times?
I used to be incredibly harsh in that conversation.
I mean, from a very young age, I learned that punishment is the best teacher. Didn’t you?
But it took me 38 years and a double master’s in positive psychology and mindfulness to realise this is a false thinking model.
The science is clear: Compassion is a better motivator than punishment.
Here’s why it works:
When you punish yourself with your harsh self-judgment, you create tiny fractures in the foundation of your self-trust.
You already know no relationship survives on constant criticism.
The relationship with yourself is no different.
On the other hand, kindness (especially when you are at fault) creates a reservoir of warmth.
You know who’s the best teacher?
The one who lets you feel supported, so you can access creativity and courage to get better.
That’s what being kind to yourself does.
It is not soft or complacent. It is wise and courageous.
2. Super skill:
Today’s super skill is upgrading your inner teacher from punisher to wise coach.
Training this skill is hard (because of very old and hardwired neural networks and learned behaviours).
But it is well worth all your time.
There are different ways to explore. Here is a simple one you can try this week:
Step 1: When making a mistake, recognise that no one is perfect, mistakes happen, and they happen to everyone.
Step 2: Be kind, as you would with a friend going through a tough time. This is not a ‘thing to do’, it is more of an attitude you bring. Say: “I did drop the ball. That hurt. I can learn from this and try again.”
Step 3: Be mindful as you reflect on the mistake; do not exaggerate its impact or the heaviness of it. Use mindfulness to define the true size of the concern, then focus on one immediate step to correct/improve.
Also, do not skip this. Celebrate your wins.
Congratulate yourself, when you keep a promise to yourself, say: “I am proud of myself for doing that.” You are training your nervous system to trust you.
3. Becoming Super:
Becoming SUPER is not about becoming perfect.
It is about learning to meet yourself with wise curiosity so you can recover and respawn.
Over and over again.
Mistakes happen. You respond wisely.
That is exactly what we train in the 8-week Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy course.
Live teaching blocks, guided home practices, and a comprehensive coursebook that helps you reshape old mental models and choose wiser responses to everyday challenges.
Have a Super Sunday. 💪
With much joy,
Hashim
PS. New cohort of MBCT starts in January. Click here to be added to the list, and you will be the first to know before registration opens.
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