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3-tips to strengthen your confidence today
How you view yourself dictates how you treat others and the activities you partake in.
A confident and strong self-image will empower you to take risks and put in the work. This doesn’t only expose you to many opportunities, it also increases the likelihood of you succeeding due to continued effort. This success feeds back into a stronger self-image to create a virtuous cycle of confidence.
Confident people are also not afraid to be honest, to forgive mistakes (because they can fix whatever was damaged), and to trust others.
However, confidence is built (and destroyed) by micro-moments that compound into a strong or weak self-image. I’ll cover 3 pointers that I believe have the highest leverage.
Let’s dive straight in.
This one’s pretty straightforward, just like how you’d lose trust in someone who misses commitments they make to you, you lose trust in yourself when you don’t keep commitments you make to yourself.
Micro-moments compound into massive impact. When you commit to a certain waking time and then you toss that out the window the next morning, your body and mind keep count.
Look, I understand it is painful, but it is a lot more painful when you need confidence and you can’t find it in yourself. I’d rather go through the pain of discipline (or set the alarm a few minutes later than I plan to wake up and deal with the pain of rushing)
After all, what you want to cultivate is a relationship of trust with yourself.
Confidence comes from Latin Confidere; meaning intense trust.
Intense trust in what?
Your ability to do what you said you would do. And for this, the smallest things tend to matter the most - they compound.
The next time you want to make a commitment, ask yourself if you can keep it. Better not commit than to damage your self-image and esteem.
Survey your current commitments and see how many you’re not keeping (reframe by re-committing to something smaller so you can keep that commitment):
Wake up time
Health protocol (workout, food)
Personal development plans
Hobbies, and projects, you always said you wanted to kick-off
We surely don’t do enough of that!
Imagine (or notice) how you’d speak to your baby who’s trying to learn a new skill or achieve a new target. How much encouragement do you give them? How big do you celebrate their small wins?
Now juxtapose this to the way you treat yourself while you’re striving towards a big goal. How often, and precisely how long, do you celebrate your wins?
If you’re anything like how I used to be, and I had to work very hard to teach myself the value of celebrating, you’d somehow reserve celebrating only for the “big wins”.
But who set this imaginary (and false) condition?
Don’t mistake having a high standard for having a tyrant attitude, they don’t go hand in hand.
Every win matters, and the smallest wins compound to remind you and support you in your mission to grow yourself and achieve the big win.
One day at the gym can be a catalyst for another day, week, and month.
One minute of mindfulness practice, one page of a book, one moment of forgiveness, and one skipped snooze button (☺️), all count toward the bigger target. Celebrate those wins and charge up for the next milestone.
This one’s the hardest to do. Especially when we are making a mistake or the stakes are high.
We have learned, unfortunately the wrong way, that punishment is a lot more valuable as a teacher than anything else.
And I understand that this stems from the way we learn basic things in life, like burning your hand on a hot plate can teach you not to touch hot objects. But you are not dealing with basic things anymore, at this age most of your issues and concerns are pretty complex.
These require a different approach to learning, one that is rooted in compassion.
Science tells us that compassion is a stronger motivator for action (and learning) than punishment. But it is also harder to practice in the moment.
Our default mode is to get angry, and when angry we forget kindness and understanding. However, that is precisely what you need to learn from a mistake and get empowered to get back up and continue working towards your target.
Unfortunately, the more ambitious you are, the higher the chances that you are world-class at self-judgment (speaking from experience)
It takes consistent practice and mindful reminders to choose the hard right.
Speaking of which, MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) has been the biggest resource in helping me overcome my excessive self-judgment and replace it with an active and empowered attitude. It is so valuable I decided to study to teach it and I will be running a cohort starting next Sunday, 29th October. Click here to check out what that program includes.
As you explore your current level of commitment, celebrating, and compassion with yourself, remember that they directly strengthen or damage your inner self-image.
Choose wisely and start small to build the habit of bringing more of these to your life.
Have a Super Sunday! 💪
With much joy,