How to use self-compassion to drive motivation:
Note: I’m moving to a new newsletter tool, which means Super Sunday letters may come to you on different days of the week for a limited time period. This is essential for the tool to be effective as it starts.
The content will continue to be the same. I appreciate your patience until we move back into Sunday rhythms.
Hello friend! 👋
Self-compassion may get a lot of bad rap.
But the science on the power of compassion (vs. punishment) is unequivocal.
Compassion is a higher motivator because it allows for other resources to be built (like creative thinking, resilience, and hope).
So how do you cultivate self-compassion?
Let’s dive straight in.
1. Build awareness
(define the concept)
Dr. Kristin Neff is the first scientist to put a validated framework for cultivating self-compassion.
She says if you wish to practice self-compassion after experiencing a negative situation (like failing on a project or making a mistake), follow these three steps:
Common humanity: Realize that you’re not the only person in the world who makes mistakes. Literally, no one is perfect, and mistakes happen.
Kindness: Approaching yourself as you would approach a friend who made a mistake and is being hard on themselves.
Mindfulness: Not exaggerating the mistake (for example, failing a test doesn’t mean you’re not smart).
Why does this work?
You maintain your self image (vs. beat it down) and build trust with yourself.
You avoid negativity that generally leads to unproductive energy drain.
You approach a solution and learning mindset to learn from the failure.
Ultimately, being motivated after facing a failure is the ultimate leverage you can have.
2. Make these choices:
(decisions/actions to bring it to life)
Practice self-compassion:
When you fall short, respond with kindness rather than judgment. Understand what went wrong and focus on how to improve next time.
Reframe mistakes:
View mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures. This way, you preserve energy and keep motivation high.
Make positivity a habit:
Cultivate a positive mindset by focusing on what’s also working (or possible). This will help you think more creatively and build resilience.
3. Build them in a system:
(using the science of habit and willpower to make it consistent)
Like any other habit, this requires practice. Every time self-judgment arises is a chance to practice self-compassion and make it more relevant.
Don’t wait for the big failures to do this. Start with micro-mistakes you’re willing to forgive, but take a moment to recognize the process.
A simple journaling practice can help you ensure this is done daily, as you reflect on what couldn’t have been done better that day. This daily practice can build a stronger habit.
The next time you find yourself quick to judge and want to punish yourself (words or actions), choose to be kind and see what possibilities open up for you.
Thanks for reading!
Have a Super Sunday! ⚡️
With much joy,
Hashim