Grief: How to transform loss into love.

Hello friend! 👋

It’s a different kind of newsletter today.

Because it is November 5th and it is my late mother’s birthday - Happy Birthday mama, you’d be 64 today! ♥️

I thought of dedicating this letter to everyone who has dealt with and is dealing with grief. There’s a lot of pain happening right now - If you find it useful to others, please forward it if that would be supportive to them.

Eight years in, and I still reap the gifts of the evergreen love my mom has left me.

I learned that you can truly transform loss into love.

Without having to sound morbid, but rather realistic, we all will pass one day. Understanding this reality is not easy, and resisting it only creates further unease. However, if we are willing to explore the possibility of truly absorbing, respecting, and being with it, we can then unpack a mindset that allows us to move forward.

A mindset that transforms loss into love.

One that creates meaning and purpose.

Without dismissing this loss.

How do we do that?

I will tell you how I worked with it, see if you’d like to consider a similar path for yourself.

Let’s dive straight in!

Zoom out to get perspective

Awareness is the first step for any transformation.

Using logic to create meaning can be difficult, but not impossible. When emotions are high (and rightly so) we tend to forget that we are just visitors on this earth.

Even if you live to be a 100 years, it is just a drop in the sea compared to the million years this earth has been around for. The reality is we come and we go, an inevitable cycle of life.

Knowing this, can help us appreciate, rather than resist, the nature of this reality.

Appreciate all that life has to offer: the moments we spent with loved ones gone AND the moments we get to spend with loved ones still here.

Zooming out to get perspective allows us to hold an awareness that allows for both these moments to be celebrated rather than sacrificing one for another.

It is okay to feel pain, and still allow joy

If we are willing, we can see that pain and joy are not extremes of the same spectrum.

Just like someone committing to create positive work in an extremely negative environment, our minds and hearts are capable of holding both pain and joy in parallel.

After all, whoever you’ve lost would only want to see you in your best state.

So, without being completely consumed by the burden of loss, try to see it as a duty to fulfill the expectation to be at your best.

As an act of love.

In mindfulness practice, we learn the ability to allow the full experience of life to be observed. This can be extremely helpful as we find support in things we wouldn’t notice otherwise.

Allow yourself to bring positivity amidst the challenges. That’s the best way to allow the gifts of that love to show up in your life through meaning, purpose, and commitment you can carry forward.

Do more in the name (and memory) of those you’ve lost

The pain of loss is the pain of love.

The more we love those we’ve lost, the bigger the loss and the pain.

That same energy that fuels the pain can fuel love. Realizing that you have that capacity for love is an inspiring place to let that love flow to those who may need it today.

Those can be other family members, friends, or random people to share random acts of love with.

The deeper the loss, the deeper the well for love - allow it to overflow in the memory and name of those you’ve lost.

That’s an act worth celebrating.

And if you’re willing, you can accept it as the gift they’ve left you behind.

One that you, one day, can leave for others.

Cherish those around you, remember those who are not, look in your heart, and let all of them know how much you love them.

Have a Super Sunday!

With much joy,

Hashim

PS. If you’re struggling, it is okay to seek professional help or speak to a dear friend. Don’t bottle up emotions and create further loss ♥️

PPS. If you want to start or deepen your mindfulness practice, a new MBSR course is opening enrollment soon. Use this link to place interest.